How Did We Get Here?

 How did we even get here? We were civil… we were fine. He was telling me he missed me, that he would keep fighting for us. He was calling me beautiful and sending me sunrise pictures just to make me smile. And then five days later he’s introducing our kids to his new girlfriend? Five days. How am I supposed to make sense of that?


It feels like yet another lie—another thing he said just to keep me close, to keep me soft, to keep me from moving on. And the part that hurts the most is how quickly he moved her into his life… and into our kids’ lives. He started living with her right after telling me he missed me. How am I supposed to wrap my head around that? How does someone switch lanes that fast unless they were already halfway gone?


And then there’s the forgiveness piece. I know I made mistakes. I own my part. But he now says he can’t forgive mine—while all the things he did first, all the lies, all the hurtful words, all the ways he broke trust… I was just expected to forgive and keep going. How is that fair? How is it that my hurt doesn’t count, but the hurt I caused in response is unforgivable?


And then to top it off… he has his new girlfriend stay overnight when the kids are there. After knowing her only a couple of weeks. After telling me a week before how much he missed me. It feels reckless. It feels disrespectful. It feels like he’s not thinking about our kids at all—just about filling some empty space inside himself.


The kids tell me they miss him and want time with him. Real time. But instead of giving them that, he brings along his girlfriend’s daughter. Why? Why does he need to play dad to someone else’s kid when his own kids are craving attention from him? Who is he trying to impress? Who is he trying to fool?


I don’t understand him anymore. I don’t know if I ever really did. But today, I just feel confused, angry, and tired. I want to scream. I want answers. I want honesty. And instead, I’m left here trying to make sense of something that feels senseless

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